5 Common Mistakes Singles Make

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They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result. Humans are creatures of habit, and it can be difficult for us to break out of our molds, especially when it comes to dating. Instead of just wishing things would change, it helps to identify our behavior, figure out why it isn’t working and make a positive change.

Here are 5 common dating mistakes singles make on their quest for love:

1. Having a bad attitude. Whether perpetuated by fear, habit or ignorance, having a bad attitude will get you nowhere. Are you one of those people who complains about a situation and yet does nothing to change it? When you’re out with your friends at a singles event do you tend to sway towards the negative side of things, seeing only the reasons why you WON’T be able to meet someone? If you are, you’ll probably find that you only attract other negative people if anyone at all. If you change your attitude and focus on positive things, this is exactly what you’ll get back. It seems difficult to change a negative mindset, but once you get there you’ll find being nice and being happy take up much less energy.

2. Unrealistic expectations. It’s easy to get caught up in a fantasy of what you think your life should be like. Anyone who doesn’t fit your plan must be wrong – right? WRONG. Fill in your own cliche here if you want, but life works in mysterious ways. If you go through life trying to control it, you’ll never get what you think you want – we get what we need in order to evolve. It’s definitely good to know what you want from a partner and what will compliment your life, but are you being realistic? Are you focusing on things like material possessions and status while forgetting the truly important things in life? Is your ideal mate more commonly found in a fairytale than in real life? Are you actually interested in having a human being in your life who will share their own thoughts and experiences or do you want to be with a character out of a movie? Figure out if you’re putting too much emphasis on “perfection”, that elusive and simply non-existent character trait.

3. Doing the same thing with the same people. The definition of insanity applies here; is your friend circle the same as it’s been for awhile? Do you try new things or stay in your comfort zone hoping a miracle will happen and your future mate will just simply appear? If it’s not working – fix it. Dating is about numbers, and meeting lots of people so you have a good variety to choose from is simply more effective than waiting while life passes you by. Having new experiences and meeting new people makes you more interesting too.

4. Fear. Our biggest hurdle when it comes to moving forward in life is getting over our fear. Fear hold us back in all sorts of ways – we’re afraid to commit because we’ve been hurt, we’re afraid to fail at something new, we’re afraid we’ll be rejected – the list goes on and on. Fear is a self-imposed road-block and make no mistake – it will hold you back until you get over it. And what do we show for it in the end? Life is about taking risks and seeing what you’re made of. Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

5. Letting opportunities pass you by. This can be caused by fear or even just apathy. Have you ever thought, “I’d like to talk to that person” and then just shrugged your shoulders and let the opportunity pass you by? Being passive only leads to regret as you wonder “What if?”. Own your life and make your own opportunities. If you can find that place where you care about yourself enough to make your life better and more fulfilling by going after what you want even if it means you might not get it 100% of the time, you’re on your way!

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Ragna Stamm'ler-Adamson

Ragna Stamm'ler-Adamson

Founder & CEO at 25Dates.com
Ragna Stamm'ler-Adamson is the Founder & CEO of 25Dates.com.She created the company to bring singles together to find love.She enjoys contributing to the blog to let others know that they too can find lasting love as she did:In 2006 she met her loving husband and in 2008, together they were blessed with a beautiful baby boy.

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Ragna Stamm'ler-Adamson

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  • Ed Schaffer

    I find that all of the above advice is good especially point # 5! This is truly germain to me! I need to take better advantage of potential opportunities when they present themselves & even to the point of making my own opportunity to meet females!

  • Daniela V

    You know what, it’s sickening, this “partnership” kind of mindset. We are supposed to be falling in love, not looking for friends with benefits. A human being to share your thoughts? That’s a friend. This is not enough to be a husband. Physical attraction must be present. And it is pointless to give “chances” and being “positive” when you are not attracted to them. And yes, attractive yet honest, dependable, highly moral and hard working and caring etc men, the full package, are indeed more often found in fairy tales. But not everyone can fall in love with, and sleep with, an unattractive guy. No matter what else is good about them. This is not something under a person’s control. No matter how positive one tries to be. No attraction means no point talking to the person. God knows ive tried liking my ex and making it work and i gave it up: can’t make anything work if there is no physical attraction.

    • 25Dates

      We don’t recall us saying anything about sleeping with someone you find unattractive? We are simply saying that being more open and positive puts you in a much better space and incidentally makes you more attractive as well. We would like to think that your husband would be someone that you would like to share your thoughts with and visa versa. Attraction is ideally also based on more than just looks alone.