Did anyone catch the Bachelor finale recently? Yes, yes, guys we know it's our guilty pleasure and we don't expect you to watch it too, but let's give you the rundown. One attractive man. 25 attractive, and for the most part, intelligent women. Over a period of six weeks, the bachelor "dates" these women, eliminating a few at a time until he's left with two. By this point, he's met their families, they've met his, and he just has to
make that choice between the two. Easy right? Well not this time. On the final day, he tells one girl he's sorry, but she's just not the one. We all expect him to take the remaining woman in his arms, pull him to her even propose to her - we're all waiting with baited breath (including her), but to our huge shock, he tells her he just doesn't "feel" the way he needs to about her either! Water cooler discussions have ensued in abundance, and what conclusions have we come to? Mostly that he's just crazy, and not ready for a relationship. I mean, how many beautiful and intelligent women need to be brought before this guy before he takes a chance on one of them? That brings us to our topic of the week:
Are You Ready for a Relationship?
We all want to find that special someone, it's inherent to our nature. Sometimes though, we put up roadblocks, not even realizing that we're our own worst enemy. One good way to find out if you're ready for a relationship, is to look at your relationship patterns.
1. What type of person do you choose to be in a relationship with?
You'd think everyone's answer would be, "Someone who is good for me and makes me feel good about myself". That's not always the case though is it? Often, on a subconscious level, we choose people who aren't good for us, people who make our bad habits and patterns easier to achieve. For instance, you may have been mentally abused by a parent in the past, and through still seeking their approval, date someone who is similar to that parent in the hopes of rectifying the past.
2. How much baggage are you really carrying around?
Is it a carry-on bag, or is it one of those giant suitcases you can fit a great dane into? We often don't resolve issues from our past relationships and jump into the next one, thinking it's going to be better because you're with a different person. Wrong! Past relationships need to be left in the past - issues surrounding trust, power dynamics and those pesky bad habits need to be RESOLVED before being transferred into a new relationship. It's very important to spend time by and on yourself in between relationships; recharge your batteries, get yourself strong and learn to be happy on your own before you ask someone into your life.
3. How do you feel about yourself - how do you see yourself?
Do you ever say, if only I found that person to make me whole everything would be ok? Guess what, there is no such person. We need to learn to be whole from within. A great relationship is not about having what the other person is missing (although we can help each other see what that is), it's about two strong and functioning individuals coming together to enrich each others' lives. You will never find what you think you're missing in another person, and it's unrealistic (not to mention unfair), to expect that of another human being. If you have difficulty liking yourself, you are not in a healthy place to nurture a relationship, and you will need to work on getting your confidence up. In a nutshell, you can do this by figuring out what you want in life for yourself and being the creator of your own destiny. There are lots of books to help you to do that and therapy can also be an option.
Break out of old patterns and bad habits, do some soul searching and learn to love yourself. It's the only way you will be able to attract and keep someone who is good for you.