Dating Articles

Dating When You're Your Own Worst Enemy

As we get older, we often search for more clarity about our lives and ourselves. We start recognizing patterns in our own and others' behaviour, and even experience shifts in our belief systems. The old saying, "If it ain't broke don't fix it," may be true to some extent, but what happens when we find ourselves repeating the same behaviour with no better outcome? It often helps to understand where our behavioural patterns came from, who taught them to us and why, and to really figure out if they're relevant in our lives any more. When it comes to dating and relationships, our belief systems are greatly influenced not just by our parents, but society itself. Sometimes though, it's our inner voice repeating those past mental recordings which stops us from growing, and makes us our own worst enemies...

Old Belief Systems Which May Not Be Working Anymore

1. Lust over Emotion. Sometimes we confuse sexual attraction with love, and sex with intimacy. Although they can evoke the same euphoric high, sexual attraction and sex are quite different from being intimate with someone you love. A few ways to tell if you're in "lust" as opposed to love are:
* The relationship revolves around sex and there isn't an equal amount of energy spent on getting to know each other
* Sex is the only thing you really seem to have in common
* Sex is the only way you feel connected
We often use sex as a way to feel intimate without risking getting hurt, but it always leaves us unsatisfied in the end.

2. Projection. When we're not over past emotions associated with past loves or relationships, we often project those emotions onto our present mates. This is like starting the relationship with a deficit, and it never really has a chance to become its own entity. If you find you're attracting the same type of people and it's ending up in the same way, try to be conscious of the common denominator - you! Figure out who you have unsettled business with and figure it out before involving anyone else.

3. The Grass is Always Greener. It's hard to live in the moment, and often even harder to see what's directly in front of us. If we constantly think about the future and hold very high (and unrealistic) ideals about what we want in a mate, we can often overlook the beauty of the person we're with. Each person we meet is completely unique and brings their own thing to the table - it's partially our responsibility to take the time to get to know someone truly.

4. Being Needy. When we feel incomplete and have low self-esteem, we tend to act needy. The more we're given, the more we take, and it never seems enough to fill that empty feeling inside. A relationship needs to be an equal balance of give and take. When we're needy, we can suck the life out of people, and the bottom line is, that's not fair. If you're not a whole and happy person without a relationship, you will continue to be the same way in one. It's nobody's responsibility to make you happy except yourself, and when you're complete you're able to give to someone else freely.

5. Inactivity. For some reason, we expect love to just drop in our laps from the sky. Perhaps it has something to do with the fairy tales we were raised on - but that's just it - those are fairy tales, they're not real. If you find yourself complaining or wishing or hoping someone would come into your life, you need to at least let the Universe know you're looking! Put yourself in places where you might meet someone, go out with your single friends. Be involved in social activities and things you love to do - when you're at your happiest is when you'll attract someone positive in your life.