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Tips on getting over a Break-up (without losing your mind)

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Breaking up is hard to do - there's no way around it. Your life as you knew it doesn't exist anymore, and it feels like a part of you is missing. Sometimes you feel like you'll never be happy again,
and no amount of logic or friends' advice seems to be able to change your mind on this. We've all been through it, and we'll probably all go through it again at some point, so why do so many of us become our own worst enemy by prolonging the pain in place of healing? It doesn't have to be this way!

Tips on getting over a Break-up (without losing your mind)

1. Realize, first and foremost, that NO OTHER PERSON is responsible for YOUR happiness. Sit with this thought for a moment and digest it. It's simple but it rings true - we can only be responsible
for our own actions/reactions, thoughts, and emotions. Your choices in life are just that - YOUR choices. To project blame or resentment onto another person is a cop-out and a waste of energy. Take all the energy you're focusing on this other person, and put it back into yourself. It's the only way to grow past this situation.

2. Avoid all contact with your ex, and get rid of all reminders of them (if only until you heal). Believing that you can "still be friends" while you are breaking up is a myth. Sometimes breakups happen in stages because the shock of separation is too great to deal with all at once. It's EXTREMELY common to think that you "need" some kind of contact, but it's only because you're so used to it - it's like an addiction. This will only prolong and postpone your pain. The sooner you are on your own mentally, physically and emotionally, the sooner you will begin to heal - and that's ultimately what you want, even if your emotions tell you differently.

3. Use mindfulness and staying in the present to break your thought patterns. After a break-up, the mind tends to run around in incessant circles. What did I do wrong? How could they do this to me? What could I have done differently? Remember that time...? And on, and on, and on. If you feed into this vicious thought cycle, not only will it not go away, but it will get worse! Start to note when you're having these thoughts. Try not to get carried away by them, and stay in the present moment. Acknowledge what you're thinking and feeling, and by doing this it will be easier to recognize the thought patterns as just that, and let them go.

4. Stay busy and don't get paralyzed by grief. Reach out to friends and family and let them know how you're feeling. Sometimes the tendency is to cut yourself off and wallow in self-pity - this is NOT
the answer - you need diversions and distractions to help you stay focused on the present and stop reliving the past, which you can't change anyway. By doing things for yourself and with other people, you will learn to be without your ex, and build up your own identity again.

5. Look within. This breakup is happening to teach you something about yourself, (and it's not what a bad person you are), and to help you grow. Most of the time when a breakup feels unbearable, it's a sign that you were looking to the other person for your identity. You felt "complete" with them and you felt better about yourself in this relationship because you don't possess a healthy self-worth. When you feel like you're nothing after a break-up, it's because your self-esteem is not what it should be. You are no good to yourself or anyone else unless you are able to love yourself on your own. Use this breakup as a catalyst for a better you and the happiness that you deserve to have and share.



Comments

After going through a couple of heart-wrenching breakups in the last 1.5 years, I strongly suggest seeking support in your friends. They are a shoulder to cry on, someone to listen to you, and someone who loves and values you for who you are. Spread it around too, each friend will have a different perspective and ways to help you get over the loss.
Been_there

I hear you on the heart-wrenching breakups. However, what you to do when you have been in (at least) 55+ relationships. In over a 20 year span. And, not one of them has worked. Not one of them has lasted. Do you give up? Start focusing on yourself (aside from friends)? Or, do you keep trying over and over again until you find that one right person? Forgive me if I am hopelessly in doubt of there ever being that one right person. I'm sure alot of people will say no one would want to be with someone that has such an outlook on the subject. However, thats just me!=D CT
CT

I am just now getting over a breakup after 5 years of on again off again status. On New Years eve a girlfriend and I went on a road trip, took anything and everything that our exes had given to us, pictures ect, built a small fire and burned it all. My ex is and always will be an alcoholic who is lonely, dark and extremely angry. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I could ever move past this man. I now know that not only is being without him a blessing in disguise and an unanswered prayer, It gives me the ability to find a wonderful man who will treat me with all the respect I want and deserve. Keeping busy, being around friends and family or working out and exercising are some of the best tools for your own rehab. You also have to have time to allow yourself to mourn. You will see that as time passes and the rock that you thought was in your way was actually a stepping stone to something better than you ever imagined. In a certain amount of time you will look back on this and say to yourself " what was I thinking waisting all this time for something mediocre when I now have something greater than anything".. Look in the mirror and know that facing whatever goes wrong is not being without fear, its having the determination to go on in spite of it.....
moving on

Lack of true friends....then what? How do you meet new people??? I have made all the classic mistakes in this break up. Even though I broke up with him several months ago, we were still always together, now he has decided it over...
pathetic

I am really trying to picture my life without this guy I am with now. I know I have to break it off with him and go my own way, but I am so close to his family now, too. We have been together five years and his sisters call me their "sis-in-law" and his nieces/nephews call me their aunt. it just seems like I will never be able to walk away completely. They have been my life for five years. I really don't have any close friends any more. It just seems so hopeless. I know I have to get out of the relationship, though. He has a drinking problem that he won't acknowledge and he isn't going to stop. Any advice would be great.
hurt and confused

I broke up with him and I still love him. I wish I could reverse time :[
animation

Read "Road Less Traveled" by Peck
Venus

no one peson is worth you feeling bad about your self when you look back in time you will wonder why you wasted so much time and energy feeling bad when this person truly didnt deserve it
darnell

To hurt and confused: Before your boyfriend can care about anyone else, he has to start loving and caring for himself and it sounds like he doesn't because of his drinking problem. In the meantime, take your life in your own hands, take care of yourself, and do what is best for you and your happiness. Have the courage to let go. Trust and believe that wonderful experiences and people will come into your life. That compatible mate will come into your life when the time is right. Find out what brings you happiness and joy and enjoy your life. Be very protective of what or who you let into your life. I have a friend who was in your situation, and she she left her fiance after being with him for 5 years. She had the courage to let go and the belief there was something better. Less than a year later, she met the most wonderful man. They've been together for 2 years and you can tell they are perfect for one another and very compatible. They just got married this summer and are very happy.
lorrvana

its weird that i found this, i was looking up about breaking your back, but my friend just broke up with her boyfriend and is on her way over here, i think this will help me help her. but i also think i might send it to her bf, woow! this is probably the best thing i have ever found on here!
nataliemhae(:

My ex-boyfriend and I broke up close to 3 months ago. I started dating a guy I had always had a tihng for about 3 weeks after that. I am finding now that I am becoming more emotional and upset because I can't stop thinking about how bad my ex had made me feel during and after our relationship. I feel an inability to express my feelings and also to develop more feelings for the new guy I am with. I want to be with the new guy, but I am having trouble coping with what happened with my ex. I don't want my ex back infact I don't want anything to do with him..I just want to be able to be happy and feel normal again on my own.
conFused


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