Dating Articles

What is Your Relationship to Love?

In honour of the upcoming St. Valentine's Day - it might prove worthwhile to take a good look at our own relationship to Love itself. It's something we all seem to crave, it's often not what we expected, and it can take us to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows... Humans are a habitual species. We often formulate an unhealthy view of what we think love should be based on our past experiences. If we're conscious enough however, we realize we need to make a change. Because love is about relating to other people directly, it's in all of our best interests to figure out our relationship to love, and how we love within our relationships!

What Are the Differences Between Healthy and Unhealthy Love?

Healthy: Your focus on yourself and being happy is your first priority.
Unhealthy: You are obsessed with your relationship.

Healthy: You maintain your own identity, separate interests, and have your own friends.
Unhealthy: You neglect your friends and your interests, you "lose yourself" within the relationship and are completely involved in it.

Healthy: You desire for your partner to grow, succeed and expand; they wish and support the same for you.
Unhealthy: You are resistant to anything changing within the relationship.

Healthy: You trust your partner based on their actions, and the bond you have built with them.
Unhealthy: You are jealous, possessive, and distrusting.

Healthy: You engage in problem solving, negotiation and compromise. You keep both your best interests in mind.
Unhealthy: You try to obtain control of the relationship and your partner. You engage in passive aggressive, blaming, or manipulative behavior.

Healthy: Sex is an expression of your love and caring for one another.
Unhealthy: Sex is used as a relationship currency; it is withheld, or used to manipulate.

Healthy: You embrace your partner's individuality - you genuinely like them as a person.
Unhealthy: You try to change them into your idealistic view of what a partner "should" be.

Healthy: Communication is constant, problems are talked about.
Unhealthy: You avoid confrontation for fear of changing or losing the relationship.

Healthy: You feel good about yourself in a relationship. You're happy and calm most of the time.
Unhealthy: There is a high amount of drama, you're always waiting for, or causing, something to go wrong.

When we're coming from a place of low self-esteem and insecurity, it manifests as unhealthy love. We are looking for someone else to fill a void in our life, and to fix what feels wrong. This of course is a recipe for disaster, as no one can fix us but ourselves! If you find you are exhibiting unhealthy patterns in your love relationships, it means you have not yet dealt with your own issues. The sooner you address your feelings of unhappiness or inadequacy, the sooner you'll be on the right path to finding the right love!