Being single is not always the easiest phase we go through. Reminders of how much “better” it is to be in a relationship are everywhere, whether it be on the street, in the media or even from our own families. We can be prone to thinking life will be incomplete until we have someone to share it with, or that having a partner will solve any negativity in our lives. It’s no wonder then, through the loneliness, pressure and self-doubt, that we can alter our standards. We can find ourselves in a relationship that’s not only subpar, but can even be adversely affecting us, just to feel like we have someone there. But is it worth it?
Sometimes it’s hard to see when you’re in the middle of it, but asking yourself a few honest questions could save everyone in the long run…
4 Questions – Am I In This for the Right Reasons?
1. Never mind love – do you like them? It may seem like a strange question, but if you weren’t dating this person, would they be someone you’d want to be friends with? The answer is very telling. If you can’t imagine yourself wanting to socialize with them, or find out more about them outside the context of your relationship, then you probably shouldn’t be dating. A healthy and functional relationship is built on friendship. Without it, the foundation will most likely crumble over time.
2. Are you afraid to be alone? Fear of being alone or not being comfortable by yourself can be huge motivators for getting into a relationship. These are extremely unhealthy reasons to become involved with someone, because you’re using someone to fill a void within yourself. This sets up the kind of relationship where your happiness is dependent on someone else fulfilling your needs – something that’s not their responsibility.
3. Are you trying to get over an ex? Trying to replace a broken relationship with a new one very rarely turns out positively. When we have unresolved feelings and issues with an ex, putting someone in the middle of that is a pretty selfish move. It’s understandable you might be lonely, but that’s the precise time to work out what went wrong so we make sure not to make the same mistakes next time.
4. Can you see a future? If the answer is no, you may be better off taking the time to work on yourself. When we’re in a relationship we see no future in (unless it’s mutually casual), we’re not being 100% true to ourselves, or to the other person for that matter. If we constantly settle for what we don’t really want, how can we make room for the real thing to come along?