Let’s face it, most of us live inside our own heads. We have conversations with ourselves, thoughts, opinions, belief systems and perceptions that make up who we are inside. How often though, do we think about what we’re giving off on the outside? Some people have that gift of being self-objective and are able to see how others perceive them. For the rest of us however, there can be a bit of a disconnect there. We’ll give you an example. We host a lot of single events, and meet A LOT of people every week from every walk of life; it’s an ongoing study of human behavior for us and we absolutely love it. At one recent event, a woman walked in, and we could tell immediately that she was in a bad mood. She complained about something very trivial right off the bat, and was very unnecessarily belligerent. The look on her face was sour and irritated, and here she was at a singles event, hoping to meet someone! Now, we all have bad days, and sometimes it’s very difficult for it not to show, but if she could have seen her behavior and her facial expressions from the outside, we’re pretty sure she would have been surprised by the intensity, and it would have forced her to change her tune. As we watched her go into the crowd, we really felt bad for her, knowing that no one at all would be attracted to her negative energy and that she was starting out with a massive handicap.
So what are you giving off, and are you able to take a real, hard, objective look at yourself? Below are some common turn-offs people have about others. Try going through each one and see if there’s even a grain of truth about yourself in them.
Do you…talk too much about yourself and not listen? To some extent, we all like to talk a little bit about ourselves, it’s how we share and help others get to know us. There’s a line though, that is easily crossed.
When you first meet someone and they ask you a question, upon answering it, do you ask them a question back, or do you just continue to talk about yourself? People can be pretty good at acting interested in what you’re saying, but don’t take this as a sign that they don’t want to share too. For every question you’re asked,
you should ask one back.
Are you…too nice? This is pretty much the opposite of the above. Do you care more about what everyone else is saying and end up never sharing yourself? This stems from lack of self-confidence and is just as unattractive to people (if not more), than being selfish – it makes you look desperate. When people see you as too accommodating or “spineless”, it often tells them that you are not worth the effort. We teach people how to treat us, and if we are saying through our actions, “I’ll do anything to please you”, or “You’re worth more than I am”, well you can expect to get walked on. We want people who match up to our standards, and the result of this is respect, which is key in every relationship.
Do you…joke too much? Have you found that people say you are never serious enough? It’s great to joke and have fun, but in order to have a real connection with someone, you have to be able to share serious thoughts and feelings as well. When you joke too much, it’s obvious that you are avoiding being serious. This can also be a telltale sign that you avoid commitment.
Do you…have good personal hygiene? We cannot even express how important this is. Make sure you have fresh breath – carry mints or gum with you at all times. If you’re not sure, then in this case it’s definitely better to be safe than sorry. If you’re coming from work to an event, put on some deodorant, change your shirt, brush your hair. Dress like you care, not like you’re lounging around at home.
Are you…aware of your facial expressions and the type of energy you are giving out? Do you know if you are frowning half the time without even realizing it? Even if you’re not an unhappy person, people will think you are. And a lot goes for the expression “Fake it ’til you make it”. Try smiling often – people will respond, and it really will make you feel better.
When it comes down to it, things on the inside translate to how people perceive you, so sit down and figure out what you’re giving off – it may be difficult to accept some truths, but it’s well worth it in the end.