Let’s face it, being in a new relationship is one of the most exciting and exhilarating experiences we can have. And while it’s easy for us to theorize about being in control of our emotions in such situations, with such a large physical component also taking place, (the neuro-transmitters dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin are activated by attraction), it’s often difficult to have a complete handle on what the right choices might be for us. The idealistic view of jumping into a relationship headfirst can seem like the only way to go at the time, but we often regret it in hindsight when we find our relationship burning out from too much too soon. As conscious daters however, if we can wrap our head around some smarter steps to take while we’re not in a state of heightened emotion, it will be that much easier to pace a new relationship to give it a longer life-span.
Tips on Pacing a New Relationship
1. Resist Acting on Every Impulse.
You know when you feel that urge to frequently call or text your new sweetie, just to tell them you had a great time, or you’re thinking of them? This doesn’t mean you need to do it every time. Allow yourself to enjoy that giddy feeling of falling for someone, but do resist some of the urges to be in constant contact with them. When we allow our emotions to constantly dictate our actions, we don’t leave any room for choice. If your new partner isn’t feeling quite as smitten as you are so early on, it can scare them away or burn things out before they even really get a chance to turn into something concrete. This isn’t to say you can’t be romantic and spontaneous, but having a balance will allow you not to get in over your head.
2. Avoid Conversations About the Future.
To discuss being together “forever” in the early stages of a relationship can be very dangerous. Picturing a future with someone you don’t really know all that well can have a lot to do with the hormones that race through our body when we’re attracted to someone. When we begin to project our fantasies on someone who’s new in our life, we’re putting a lot of pressure on them and the relationship. It’s extremely important to allow things to progress naturally, without creating unnecessary expectations; disappointment usually follows when our expectations are not met.
3. Don’t Say I Love You Too Soon (Even if you feel it).
These days, the word “love” gets thrown around a lot, and can easily be confused with infatuation or attraction. A new level of seriousness will ensue once you tell someone you love them, so saying it too soon can be jumping ahead before you’re really ready.
4. Resist spending too much time together/keep your own life.
It’s okay to miss someone, and it’s imperative we keep our own lives, our own friendships, and our own interests alive when we’re dating someone. There will be plenty of time for blending things together, and getting in the habit of spending all your time with one person is a recipe for trouble down the line. What happens when someone needs some space, and the other cannot understand why? Allow for space and time within a relationship, that’s how growth works.
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