So you’ve been out of your last relationship for awhile. You’re finally getting to be in a good place; you’ve started (or have starting thinking about) dating again, and you’ve gained perspective and are proud of all the emotional growth you’ve accomplished. But then something unexpected happens completely throwing you off – you find out your ex has moved on. Whether they’re in a new relationship, engaged or have even started a family, finding out your ex has moved on from you can be both shocking and upsetting. So when we’re confronted with such a big emotional surprise, what’s normal? What are we supposed to think and feel, and how can we make sure it doesn’t drive us crazy?
4 Coping Tips When Your Ex Moves On
1. Allow Yourself to Feel. All too often we tell ourselves we shouldn’t be feeling what we are. In order to move on, acknowledge you’re feeling hurt, or jealous or bitter – these are natural reactions to have given the situation. Sit with your feelings but don’t allow them to take over. After you’ve acknowledged them, you can begin to let them go.
2. Stay Busy. You were feeling ok before you got this news, so don’t just stop experiencing your life over something you have no control over. Staying busy and social WILL take your mind off things and give you some time to distance yourself from the shock. Wallowing in “what ifs” or “whys” will only stunt the healing process.
3. No Social Network Snooping. Don’t torture yourself by trying to peer into your ex’s life. This will undoubtedly cause you pain, and accelerate your emotions beyond what is reasonable. Your ex has moved on, and it’s time for you to as well. De-friend them, delete their contact info – whatever helps to remind you that you’re making a conscious decision to move on.
4. Remember Why You’re Not Together. In this case, a little trip down memory lane will help you get a reality check. All too often we begin to gloss over the problems we had, and romanticize what never really was. Making a list of the reasons why you broke up in the first place can certainly help you gain some perspective.