Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging and How to Stop it

As we go through life, one of the common lessons we often learn is the concept of mind over matter. There are many behavioural, psychological and spiritual concepts which point to just how much power our minds can have over our lives, like positive thinking, cognitive therapy and the law of attraction. And while our minds can be amazing tools we can use to add positive things to our lives, our minds can just as easily, if not more so, impact us negatively. Self-sabotage is one way we stop ourselves from getting what we want and deserve out of life, and when we’re our own worst enemy, it’s almost impossible to attract positive people and forces.

Signs You’re Self-Sabotaging

We are all unique individuals, and when we compare ourselves to others in a way that makes us feel we’re lacking, our self-esteem takes a hit. It’s important to recognize your own special qualities – try writing them down. What makes you – you? What makes you proud to be yourself? These are the things you can focus on and enhance, and you’ll find when you give yourself a pat on the back for the good things you do and are, you’ll have more emotional and physical energy to continue on that path. No one is like you, and that’s pretty special in itself.

2. Focusing on what is going wrong. When you talk and think about what is wrong in your life, it can really make you feel “less than”. Your life can seem purposeless, which of course isn’t true, but focusing on negative thoughts trains your mind to think about yourself in a negative and destructive way. If you believe in the law of attraction, you’re telling the universe that your life is “wrong” and “worthless”, which in turn draws further negativity to you. Try writing down what’s going well, even if it’s something simple like you have a good relationship with your sibling. Remember how strong you feel when you’re in a situation where you feel ok in your life, and try to conjure up that feeling when dealing with the more difficult issues.

3. Believing you don’t deserve to be happy/successful. This is often the root cause of self-sabotage. Do you truly believe you deserve to have the love and success that your heart wants? Subconsciously, we can be masters at telling ourselves we’re not worthy of love and success, and that we’re flawed in some way which will prevent others from wanting us. Pay attention to the things you tell yourself – you probably don’t even realize the negative stream of dialogue you’re convincing your brain with – it’s that powerful. When you’re able to start recognizing what you tell yourself, only then can you replace that negative stream with a positive one. Try to trace back who would tell you in your childhood that you were not worthy, so you can recognize it’s simply an old and outdated recording which needs to be replaced.

4. Worrying about the future/harping on the past. When we’re in a state other than the present, we’re focusing on something that isn’t reality. When we worry about the future, we’re living in fear. When we get stuck in the past we’re living in guilt and regret. None of these states is real, and none of them are going to help your life in any way. Yes it’s important to learn from the past, but this doesn’t mean feeling bad about it will change anything. Learn to concentrate on the here and now, it’s the only reality.

5. Chasing away your relationships. Do you find yourself unhappy with the other person, and wanting to change their qualities to fit better with your own? This can be a sign that you’re afraid of intimacy, because when you are unable to accept another, you’re often unable to accept yourself. And when we have a series of unsuccessful relationships, especially when we feel it’s the other person lacking, it’s time to look at the common denominator – you! This isn’t a bad thing, but it is the essential first step in changing our relationship paths.

Ragna Stamm'ler-Adamson