Romantic connections are sometimes inexplicable; we’re attracted to someone and love them very much, but at the same time the relationship is far from smooth sailing. Many of us have had relationships in the past which we wanted to work out very badly, but for some reason (these reasons can also be hard to put our finger on) they didn’t work out the way we’d hoped. These connections are often not finished the first time; we can end up going back to an ex, or at least seriously entertaining the idea of going back and having it work out better the second time around. But is it a good idea?
Things to Consider Before Going Back to an Ex
1. Are You Actually Broken Up? If you two have a regular pattern of “breaking up” and “getting back together”, then it’s time to face the facts; you’re not actually broken up. This type of relationship pattern thrives on the drama of separation and reunion. What would happen if you took the option of “breaking up” out of the equation? If instead of “breaking up” (running away) every time you had an issue, you talked it through? Consider if you two can even handle an adult relationship, or if you’re just putting off the inevitable real break up.
2. Why Did You Break Up? It’s all too easy to start remembering only the good times when thinking about an ex. But realistically, why did you separate? Did your ex or you behave in ways that are deal breakers in a relationship? What would happen if the same behaviours happened again, is this something you’re willing to chance?
3. What’s Different Now? Have you changed? Have they? Unless one or both of you have made actual positive changes to yourselves, chances are the same issues and patterns will come around again.
4. Could This Be a Booty Call? Missing someone is not a reason to be physically intimate with them. Such a decision (even if it’s a rash one), can re-open old wounds and all the healing you’ve done since your breakup. If you’re entertaining the idea because you’re lonely, think again – is it worth it?
5. Why Do You Want to Get Back Together? Getting back with an ex is often an avoidance tactic. It’s safer to be with someone familiar, it’s easier than starting all over again etc. etc. Make sure your decision is based on what you want your future to look like, not the familiar feelings of your past.