Being single is not usually our first choice as a relationship status. As human beings, we crave physical and emotional affection and we get lonely when we don’t have a partner to share things with. To make matters worse, doesn’t it seem when you’re single that everyone in the world seems to be in an amazing relationship except you? We tend to notice and think about the fact that we’re alone a lot when we’re on our own, and it’s hard not to feel sorry for ourselves when we’re in this state of mind. We know by now though, that feeling sorry for ourselves and getting down in the doldrums doesn’t help us attract the type of person (or anyone for that matter) we want and need in our lives. So what is the point of being single? Is it just the time we bide in between our relationships, or does it have a purpose?
Most people would list the main advantage of being single as having total freedom. You don’t have to answer to or think about anyone while making your decisions, you can do what you want, live where you want, and do everything by your timetable. These things are all great, but the desire for total freedom is often a reaction to previously having felt restricted within a relationship. Freedom and being in love should never be mutually exclusive – if you’re in a healthy relationship then you should always be free to be yourself, obtain your goals and be accepted as such.
Being single is all about figuring out who you are, what you want out of life and a relationship, and what you can bring to someone else’s life. So how do we do this and make our single days more pro-active instead of waiting around and wondering when Mr. or Ms. Right will come along? The fact is, we simply don’t know when we’re going to meet a potential mate, and have very little control over things like attraction and chemistry. The only thing we can actually control is what we’re putting out there, which in fact dictates what we get back in life anyway. It’s just that we don’t get to choose what, when or who. So, in the meantime you can answer some of the questions about yourself and your life before complicating things by adding another person and another whole set of variables to the equation.
1. What kind of mate do I want? How do you figure this out? Meet people, and date lots. Consider it a taste test for your next partner – you don’t need to get involved right away with someone just because they show an interest in you. You don’t want to look back and think that you’ve wasted time with someone who wasn’t right for you, so figure out what IS right. Date different types of people, and get out of your comfort zone. If you find you’ve been dating the same type of person and not getting good results, try something (or someone) new!
2. Am I happy in my job/career? Have you figured out what your life’s purpose is yet? It could involve your career, it could involve children, it doesn’t really matter what it is, but if you don’t know what you want to do in life and you get into a relationship, it’s harder to figure out where to go when someone else’s life is involved. You may end up feeling like you’re making sacrifices (unbeknownst to them) even though you’re not sure what you want to do in the first place.
3. Am I financially secure? We’ve all heard that the number one topic couples fight about is money. Make sure you are secure financially and don’t have the type of debt that will become someone else’s problem. It’s an unfair advantage to start out with and really does cause a lot of stress within relationships.
4. Am I at peace with my past? If you’re still carrying around emotional baggage – now is the time to get rid of it! Identify what your issues have been in past relationships and sort them out – talk to someone professionally if need be – there’s no shame in bettering yourself and learning to let go of the past. All too often we think our partners are going to fix what’s wrong with us, but what they really do is magnify the problems until we learn to deal with them on our own.