We’ve written a lot of articles about how important it is to be aware of what we’re looking for in a mate, in order to avoid miscommunication and false expectations. But what about when we live on the other end of the spectrum, when we’re too picky? In such a disposable and “me” centered culture, it’s no surprise that we’re able to be so dismissive when it comes to the people we meet. When we subscribe to the media’s message that everything (and everyone) in your life should fit into your own personal existence, we end up losing the point, which is to grow and change positively together while we’re on this Earth. The trick is finding the balance between healthy self-preservation and positive growth.
Signs You May Be Too Picky
1. You feel much more content when your life is organized into lists; you often feel a strong need to follow the rules.
2. You’re inflexible and hate change – you get upset when things don’t go your way, or when something unexpected comes up.
3. You try to change characteristics about the people you’re dating to suit you better.
4. You have impossible standards. You’ll know this because no one can or ever has reached them; you’re always disappointed.
5. You feel the need to plan and organize everything.
6. You’re quick to point out other peoples’ faults and have trouble admitting your own.
7. You tend to feel anxious and irritable often.
8. You break things off with people you’re dating for reasons that others would find insignificant.
As you can see from this list, all the characteristics listed are control-based. There are many reasons why we feel the need to control our surroundings, situations, and even the people in our lives. Things like having trusted and had our heart broken can contribute to this need, or having had a childhood where we had no voice, and therefore now take every opportunity as adults to make sure we never feel that out of control again. The problem with control however, is it never really exists, because life has a way of throwing us things there’s no way of specifically preparing for. The goal is to learn to adapt to change as a principle, to change our perception of it so it’s not so scary. Part of the way we can do that is by being open and accepting of the people who come our way, learning to embrace the lessons they can teach us about ourselves instead of resisting them.