How To Completely Ruin A First Date

It’s a tricky business isn’t it, the first date? It would be great if we could all be zen about it, live in the moment, whatever happens, happens – but this isn’t always easy; we’re human and we do live in a world where our expectations can often be quite different from reality. While optimism is a wonderful quality to possess, and certainly more useful than its angry sibling pessimism, it’s important that we learn to view things from other peoples’ perspectives. Doing this not only helps us find common ground with others, but it’s the basis of compassion. The media teaches us to get what we want as individuals, but when it comes to love, we have to be aware that we’re not the only ones in the picture. A first date is often the first real impression we give of ourselves, and if we don’t pay attention to our own actions, someone may get the wrong idea of who we are. But… let’s at least have fun while we’re learning, shall we?

How to Completely Ruin a First Date:

1. Be Late. If you want to show that you really don’t care about how the other person feels from the get-go, then this is the perfect way to do it! Not having respect for other peoples’ time is by far the most common pet peeve people share. If you really want to seal the deal, don’t call them to let them know you’re late either!

2. Don’t Look Like Your Picture. If you’ve met online, why not post a picture of yourself 10 years earlier and 20 pounds lighter? That way, when your date finally sees you in person, they’ll think you’re in denial, or they’ll just peg you as a liar.

3. Complain. Everyone loves a complainer, right? Why not complain that you’re not feeling well, that you don’t like your job, or that your family irritates the heck out of you? Surely your date will see through your irritating negativity and realize what a great person you are to be around, right?

4. Use Your Cell Phone. Make sure you take every call, and even initiate a couple while your at it! Your date will feel completely ignored and unimportant, and they’ll be counting down the minutes until the date is over. Even though you think it makes you look important, it only makes you look like a total jerk!

5. Brag About Yourself. Talk about what kind of car you drive, how much you make, and how much money you spend on frivolous, self-indulgent material objects. That way, your date can see how self-absorbed and shallow you are from the very beginning. This will also help them see how fragile your ego is, and that you have to pump yourself up just to feel like you’re worth something.

6. Tell dirty, tasteless, or racist jokes. This way, you can know if your date is also tasteless or racist from the beginning. Make sure you add in a few drinks to loosen yourself up since that always makes you even more funny!

7. Put the moves on as early as possible. Move in too close and too fast, making sure your date is extremely uncomfortable. If you can feel them backing away, go in for more!

In all seriousness, it’s important to remain aware of how our own behaviour comes across to others, especially on a first date. By imagining what it would be like to meet ourselves for the first time, we can more easily represent ourselves in a way that’s closer to who we truly are inside.

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