Everyone has experienced the passion and excitement of a new dating relationship, otherwise known as the “Honeymoon Phase”. You can’t wait to spend time with each other, you start to think about your future together, and it feels like you’ve finally found “the one” – you can’t imagine your feelings for each other changing. Some of the time however, the Honeymoon Phase DOES end, and as the dust settles you get to know each other (for better or worse) on a deeper and more true level. Sometimes the person you thought you were dating doesn’t even really exist, so how do you know when you’re dating the wrong person?
1. You feel the need to change them. This is one of the most significant clues that you may be with the wrong person. It means you are not satisfied with the person they are, and you’re trying to change them into something YOU want, which may not be something they are, or even be capable of being. A healthy and successful relationship is about accepting people as they are and being happy with that. On the flip side, accepting them and not having your needs met is not healthy either.
2. Common Goals. We all have ideas of where we want to be in life and things that are important to us, such as career, habitation, children etc. If you’re involved with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, you will experience difficulty down the line. Sacrificing for someone is only good if it’s for the betterment of the relationship – it can’t be at your own expense. If you lose site of the things that are really important to you, you may end up blaming and resenting your partner for not allowing you to pursue what you needed in order to be happy.
3. What do your friends and family think about your partner? When we’re in love, the last thing we want to hear is that they don’t like our partner. As much as we may feel it’s none of their business however, it doesn’t hurt to take their opinions into account – they know and love you, and they also can be more objective than you in this situation. Try to take off the rose-coloured glasses early on in the relationship and pay attention to the interaction between your partner and your friends and family. If you find that you are more isolated and not socializing with your inner circle – ask yourself why.
4. You make excuses for your partner. If you find you are constantly having to defend them, it’s a pretty good sign that you’re in denial about who they really are. Open your eyes to the actions, not the words of the person you are with. Sometimes we can get confused by the physical bond between ourselves and our partners and confuse it with real love.
5. Are you happy? Do you worry a lot about your future? A healthy relationship is one where we feel safe and loved. We trust our partner and they trust us. When we invite someone into our lives, unless they are adding something to our quality of our lives, they are most likely the wrong person.
It can be difficult to see reality when we’re in a state of relationship bliss. Keeping these points in mind BEFORE we get involved with someone can really help us keep one foot on the ground while our hearts enjoy the passion of a new relationship.