You Know You Want It
by Robin McGrath
Sex. With her. You know you want it but how do you get it? More often? And. so that she is as into it as you?
One of the greatest mysteries seems to be what women want and need to enjoy satisfying sex lives. It seems to be one of the top questions men ask about the subject.
Women are not as complex as men seem to think they are. They just have different needs. And when it comes to sex, women do not have an immediate on and off switch the way men do. Men and women are very different when it comes to sexual needs both physiologically and emotionally.
The first part of this article offers three tips focusing on the emotional needs of women to provide men with some insight into what, why and how they can approach the needs women have when it comes to sex.
1. Be Romantic
Romance contributes to the emotional connection women require from their partners to help them feel as physically amorous as their partners do. She wants to know that you are thinking of her even while you're away from her. Flowers, a phone call or e-mail during the day, and gifts act as temporary stand-ins for you while you're absent. They are reminders to her that you still love hers and she can feel secure in your relationship. Romance demonstrates thoughtfulness of her and it helps to satisfy her need to feel connected.
2. Make it About Her
Don't walk up to your wife/girlfriend/partner/lover, grind against her and whisper into her ear, "let's get it on". This is not going to achieve what you think it is. This tells her, "I want to have sex" not "I want to have sex with you". And most of the time when you do this with her she probably says, "no thank you" doesn't she? Of course, you're probably thinking that she should know you want to have sex with her. But it's not that simple. You need to create the right mood for her. Tell her how beautiful you think she is, how smart, sexy, funny... you fill in the compliment that you think she would prefer to hear. Make it clear to her that it's not just about having sex. It's about connecting intimately with her.
3. Wait Until She Wants It to Suggest New Techniques, Positions, and Fantasies
As a sexual being, you probably want to try new techniques, positions or explore fantasies you've had to keep your sex life from becoming predictable and mundane. If you've made these suggestions at any other time than when she is in a high state of arousal, you have most likely been turned down. Wait until she is in her state of wanting - a high state of arousal while you're making love to her - to make these suggestions because in this state her inhibitions are lower and she is more likely to be open to you.
Communication about these desires, however, is critical to her openness to your suggestions. Don't be a morning after know-it-all and say "wow, I knew you were going to like that". Instead, be supportive and say, "last night was really amazing". And because women have traditionally been socialized to feel shame about experimentation, don't discuss the subject at any other time than while she's aroused. Also, keep in mind that she might fear that one divergence from your "normal" might lead to a slippery slope of sexual deviancy that she is not open to. Make sure you tell her where your boundaries are and what you know will always remain fantasy because you know what she will never be open to. Reassure her so she can trust you.
One exception is to never press her about sensibilities or morals you know she has while she's in a state of arousal. This can cause her trust in you to falter and negatively affect your sex life to the point that she won't want to have sex with you anymore because she doesn't trust you.
Hopefully these three tips have provided some insight into the great mystery of what women want and need to enjoy satisfying sex lives and what men can do to fulfill those needs. Part Two of this article will focus on two physiological factors where women are very different from men.